You Can Only Offend One
If forced to make the decision, our church from day one has decided that we will offend the self-seeking Christian before the spiritually seeking non-Christian.
I personally believe you can only strategically choose to offend one of those groups.
Some churches are purposely designed to offend the spiritually seeking non-Christian, whether they describe it that way or not. The music they choose, the way they dress, the decorum of their buildings, the vibe they create on Sunday morning, and most important – what they define as a “win” missionally – all combine to create an atmosphere that repels the very people Jesus came to die for.
Other churches believe it’s absolutely critical to nurture the believers in the church into radically sold-out world-changing followers of Jesus, but also believe Christ-followers are called to serve. Jesus taught in Mark 10:43-44, “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.”
Christians always define those verses as "being willing to do crappy stuff for other Christians without getting any accolades." I’m sure that’s part of it, but I think what Jesus was driving at was that he wanted his followers to purposely choose to not get their own way and to put aside their own wishes, interests, and needs to further his kingdom. Therein lays the motivation to offend the Christian before the non-Christian: Christians are supposed to be willing to be offended.
Show me someone who keeps whining about not singing enough worship songs, or “being fed,” or doesn’t want the church to focus on evangelism, missions, feeding the poor, or singing secular music on Sunday, and I’ll show you a freakishly immature Christian. The sad, and sometimes scary thing, is that 99 times out of 100 they simply don’t realize it.
It’s one thing for a Christian to say, “Hey, I’m giving my life away for the lost and poor, but I’ve got a lot of growing to do. Can you help me?”
It’s an entirely different thing for a Christian to live in the most Christianized culture on the planet, replete with an endless supply of Christian churches, books, TV programs, radio shows, websites, conferences, 501© non-profits, blogs, Tweets, Bibles in 67 gagillion translations, etc., and say, “I’m not being fed.” That’s like a morbidly obese person setting down their 11th plate at an all-you-can-eat buffet and screaming at the waitress, “Bring me more food.”
Given the choice of offending this type of Christian or someone far from God, it’s easy to know which choice Jesus would make.
How about you?
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Comments (11)
Alice Kenworthy on Aug 12, 2009 7:09am
Were you and our student minister of Fellowship Church ( www.fellowshiptoday.com) talking to one another? Our 4 week series on "Made" was exactly that...being the Christian you were made to be, not necessarily through the words that come out of your mouth, but by your servant actions, and not expecting gratitude from others in return, but just the great feeling it gives you by doing a good deed.
Don Hamilton on Aug 12, 2009 7:14am
We made the same choice many years ago in our church. The immediate result was that over a third of the church left in one day. Within one month, the offerings were at the previous level and within six months the church grew back to it's previous size. It was exciting (though difficult at the time) to see God move when people got out of the way.
About four years ago we piloted a national program called Faith In Action Sunday. We cancelled worship services and went to 28 sites in the community to serve that morning. We did a large direct mail campaign, billboards and TV. Several folks left the church over it. Others who questioned the practice came to realize that this represented a bold statement about our commitment to the community. We continue partnerships with several of the organizations with whom we worked to this day.
About two years ago, another group decided we were no longer "spiritual" enough with our use of video, secualr music, and various teaching tools. They left the church as well for greener pastures.
This doesn't mean that those of us in leadership didn't make some mistakes in our execution. However, I sometimes find that no matter how you execute a venture, some folks will be upset about what you are executing, no matter what.
I guess the process that started with Jesus still continues. Those who often appear the most "committed" or "religious" become some of the greatest opponents of the progess of the Kingdom.
john alan turner on Aug 12, 2009 8:01am
the principle is "the stronger person makes allowances for the weaker person". i believe that's from romans 14.
the problem is that chronic complainers are weaker in their faith but won't admit it and won't undertake any program that might allow them to grow out of their weakness.
the solution is to clearly define "maturity" to everyone in our churches and let them know that around here we don't allow immature people to lead or make decisions for the rest of us.
Greg Helton on Aug 12, 2009 8:50am
"...to purposely choose to not get their own way and to put aside their own wishes, interests, and needs to further his kingdom ..."
Nicely put.
In my mind, this is the very definition of charity - to consider the well-being and concerns of others as more important than your own.
Thank you and God bless.
Steve Thurston on Aug 12, 2009 8:58am
Ahhhhhh yeah, I love complainers. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t love the reasons why they complain but I do love the fact that they can be honest. The problem though, is that ‘complaining’ in itself is a very selfish thing to do and many fall into the trap that it’s easier to complain than to just go about the day.
Complaining is like spreading venom. It doesn’t accomplish anything except negativity. A complaint is not constructive criticism. A complaint is a viral disease that is contagious. It affects not only your own personal being, it affects those whom you are complaining about.
I’m a complainer. I don’t complain as much anymore but I used to be in the trenches of the complaint process because someone dear and close to me was a heavy complainer and it rubbed off on me. But soon, complaining became part of my life. It had become a habit… and my biggest complaint was my church and its processes of Sunday service.
I would complain about the music, the songs, the lighting, the freezing cold air, the fact that nobody truly and effectively said hi to me as I walked into the service, and ultimately about the direction the church was making with some philosophical ideals.
I had missed the point for all these years. I had now learned that church wasn’t about meeting my personal needs, making me happy or to enjoy an hour of my time on a Sunday morning. Church is a place where we can come and connect as a congregation and giving back to God through praise and worship. Church is about reconnecting with biblical values and teachings so we can better connect intimately with our Creator. Being entertained, feeling good, enjoying yourself are just byproducts of our worship to God and that’s what I had not understood all those years.
I’ve been offended many times at my church. Things that I didn’t like or believed in, or simply by people that just were not sensible enough to understand what I was going through at that time. But ultimately, these offenses really struck a cord in my life. God had a better plan for me and he called me to stay at my church even though I was not having a good time there.
What I learned was the more uncomfortable I was, the more I put my personal feelings and needs to the side. The more I served others, the happier I felt. And it wasn’t just happiness, it was a sense of pleasure and joy that I was making an impact on others. I had become “willing” to be offended because I knew that ultimately my serving and impact was an eternal investment in God Kingdom.
We should not be living in a “serve me” culture. We should be living in a “serve Him” culture. And the best place to start is at church.
Doug Carter on Aug 12, 2009 9:03am
A "ministry" I was involved with struggled greatly with this. When I asked our worship pastor to open with Bob Dylan's "You gotta serve somebody," - an impromptu "leaders" meeting followed the service - later, in parting with this group the same "leader" said, "I don't care how many new people come, if my friends leave, I don't want to have anything to do with it."
After listening recently to the radio clip, I hope that it is not the last time CCV - PA, contacts "the world."
Keep up the good work Brian!
Sherri Courtney on Aug 12, 2009 10:15am
I had to smile when I read your statement: "Christians are suppose to be willing to be offended". Our pastor, Mark Roessler, lovingly, but frankly, reminds us: "It's my job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable". All believers, spiritually young and spiritually mature, will, at some point be "offended" in the corporate body of Christ. The pressure is on the spiritually mature Christians and pastors of the congregations to be authentic "image bearers" of Christ to the nonbelievers and the spiritually young members. As always,Brian, a colorful approach to an important topic.
Steve Thurston on Aug 12, 2009 10:47am
My comment above has been up there for just a couple of minutes and somebody already emailed me, asking me how I could love a complainer but then diss them by saying that complainers are up to no good. So I decided to clarify this a bit.
Some people don’t like complainers. They prefer that everyone just be positive all the time. A lot of the time I feel the same way, because I’m a person who likes to be an eternal optimist and I don’t like to be brought down by Negative Ned.
But I love complainers. Why do I love complainers? Well, they are so sweet and lovable because they think that they are in the right and everyone else is always in the wrong. I just like to hug them and whisper into their ear, “thanks but no thanks for your comments and complaints.” Actually, I don’t do that, but I always am receptive to their complaints because sometimes I only see things one-sided and it's good to get some "quality assurance" processes done. In some cases, those complaints could have valid points that I did not see or understand.
The positive thing about complaining is that in the past has led to a lot of good things, like the Reformation or the discontent with slavery.
Regarding church, it is a work in progress. It evolves as the needs of the community it reaches evolves and when the Holy Spirit requires it to evolve... and complaints will always surface when things change.
Complaining is when someone only gripes about a situation and sucks the air from the room with their negativity. However, addressing issues, that may be negative but shedding a little light on the subject, or offering solutions is very much needed in the church.
“Filter Sermons” are the perfect solution to send chronic or pathological complainers to other churches where they can complain there instead of over here. The church will always have warts. But as all warts, they are works in progress. For some they become the lucky charm. For others they become Mt. Vesuvius and it must be nipped at the bud (by running a filter sermon.)
My mantra, or to be exact, my philosophy, is to question everything. We do so much stuff in life and have no idea why we do it, we just follow the crowd. The quest for better is addictive and many times we spend a lot of time agonizing over small things that mean little in truth.
The church will always struggle with complainers, but instead of ignoring the complaints, reacting to them or finding ways of kicking them out of the congregation, there are ways where we can turn things around and explain to them why things are the way they are and how their involvement through mentoring and serving can really make a difference. If they still don't agree, it's their choice, but not because us as a church did not want them there.
“Pettiness is a major bane in the work of the church. Once we become organized as a group, even a handful, this tyrant goes into action. We assume ownership for things we have no right to own. We appoint ourselves as pretentious guardians of the group in efforts to mask the truth about our own ambitions. Then the Church becomes histrionic. Histrionic, simply stated, is the condition where the person demonstrates a clear pattern of being overdramatic in reaction or behavior about insignificant matters to the point of being frivolous and irrational.” – Christian Logic
Lets not be a histrionic church. Let's be a loving, charitable and embracing church.
Lorayne on Aug 12, 2009 11:21am
I love all these comments...have been around many "I need to be fed" folks over the years and wished they could see the benefits received when you do put others first. You are indeed fed! Andy Stanley's church has bluntly told people from their Sunday service something to this effect...if you have been here 2 years and are still not connected and not serving clearly this is not the place for you. We haven't reached you. Please find a different church and give your seat to someone else...
I have not stated that exactly right but they are saying the same thing. If you come week after week, month after month and are not giving by serving and by gifts shame on you!
Brian I am a staff member of a large church in New England that has struggled through much of what you describe yet everytime our senior ledership takes a step out in faith we see continued growth. Our real meausrement of wins are baptisms. Counting those that are publicly commiting is what we consider a win!
Be blessed!
Bill Grandi (cycleguy) on Aug 12, 2009 2:51pm
Brian: Was sent this post by a friend in the church I pastor. What a straight on post! We have just gone through a tough season at the church I pastor and some of it has been over just something like this. Space does not permit me to comment more. just wanted to say thanks for the honesty here. I, for one, am tired of feeding the hogs at the trough who are porking out on spiritual things rather than the skinny forgotten ones who are starving for a husk.
Chris Davenport on Aug 13, 2009 9:36am
Thanks for this post Brian, great topic. Working with churches all over the US, I run into this very scenario over and over when I sit down with a church building team to design a new building or renovate an existing one. What kind of church they are shows up very quickly and clearly by their "wants and needs" for new or renovated space.